The Beginning

Easter 2016

"I think I can see something," the sonographer said, looking closely at the screen.

"Okay" I replied brightly as my husband squeezed my hand. I moved my eyes towards the screen, and I saw her looking at the baby's face. I remember thinking that it looked like Pob, but with a dark shadow across one side.....

"I'm afraid I can see a cleft lip on your baby".

"Oh"

I didn't say anything at first. Then tears started coming. Slowly at first, and then faster. I remember not being sure why I was crying. I suppose we had gone in there with the arrogance of parents with a 'normal' child. We'd even taken my Mother in Law as a surprise. I hadn't expected anything like this.

The scan finished, and the sonographer explained that we would need to be seen by Birmingham Women's Hospital, and that a referral midwife would be in contact soon to explain everything.

I remember nodding a lot.

We walked to the car. I was still a bit teary, but in control. After all, a lip could be fixed. I kept telling myself that a lip could be fixed.

I remember pulling up outside my dad's office.

I remember my husband ringing my dad asking him to come down.

I remember seeing my dad, and breaking down.

I remember how worried he looked as I couldn't get my words out, how gasped for breath between sobs, and how eventually my sainted mother in law explained what we had been told.

I remember waiting for my mum to arrive with my son. And waiting. And waiting. It was probably only 2 minutes. It felt longer.

I remember explaining to her in between sobs what had been said.

I remember my son in the back of her car crying because I was upset and he didn't understand why.

I remember sitting at home watching a cup of tea go cold.

I remember laughing at conversations I wasn't really listening to.

I remember the referral midwife calling, explaining the referral process and the information about amniocentesis testing she would send through.

I remember saying that we'd had the Down Syndrome test and that we hadn't needed amniocentesis. After all it was just a lip. A lip can be fixed.

I remember her saying, delicately, that a diagnosed cleft can be a symptom of a genetic disorder such as Edwards or Patau's Syndrome.

I'll be honest, I don't remember a great deal after that.